Thursday, November 29, 2018

Admiring the View



Image (c) 2018, Crystal S. Kauffman

The evil was suffocating me,
Climbing higher just to breathe,
My blessings were starting to rise,
I always kept my eyes on the prize.

Hit a couple snags along the way,
Never did I give my secrets away.
Handled each gut punching blow,
Many people judged my show.

I shook off the betrayal and pain,
Changing my view was my aim.
Doing what it takes is what I did,
All while keeping my sadness hid.

Took any job that I could complete,
Goals and tasks were all I tried to meet.
It was time to spread my broken wings,
Now, I took time to learn many new things.

Took a chance and finally started to fly,
Now, I am riding on a new kind of high.
Admiring the view from my new nest,
I know that I tried and only did my best.

© 2018, Crystal S. Kauffman



  

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

My Mentors and Affiliates



I want to introduce you to Lyn Lomasi-Rowell and Richard Rowell from Brand Shamans.They are the greatest people ever! They have impacted my life in so many ways from boosting my ego with kind words about my work. I have become a better author, blogger, and more because they have been so patient and taught me so many things that I needed to learn at a fast rate.

They have helped me when I needed it and shared my work along the way. I am affiliated with them and have been for a few years. I do work for them whenever they have work, plus many other people work with them as well. Lyn and Richard make beautiful jewelry and sells web content and more.

Come check out their business Brand Shamans who can heal your brand. When you buy anything from Lyn or Richard, you are helping a team of affiliates get blessed with work. Thank you, Lyn and Richard for everything. This home business is worth more than a glance and it blesses so many others who need freelance work just like me. Love ya’ll and Kiss my babies!:)

Thanks for reading,
Crystal

PS: Seriously, stop by and visit their home business.

Brand Shamans

Pet Sitting Can Help Supplement Your Income

Image (c) 2018, Crystal  S. Kauffman

Have you ever thought about pet sitting on the side to help pay the bills? I have done this for months to help pay my bills as needed. Check in to Rover.com and FB MarketPlace to land an overnight gig or even longer. You get to love a dog while it is in your care and make a little cash too. I have used every resource I can to find pet sitting jobs.

You can watch them at their house or yours. You can keep them over night or during the day. It is hard at first, but once you establish a set routine, the pups and kitties respond well! You set your own hours and pay. People will think your crazy!

If you know of some good pet sitting apps, please share!

Thank you for Reading,

Crystal


Finally I'm Entering My Writing World


It took me two years, to revisit my writing world that I created, so long ago before I stumbled and fell. However, I have finally entered my writing world and have rode my dragons, while trying to save the kingdom from the Dark Lord. I missed my writing and I choose not to give it up again. Have you ever given up something you loved, due to the storms of life? Did you get it back or let go?


Thanks for reading,

Crystal

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Stunning Aquarium Stock Photos for Sale




Do you need stunning Aquarium stock pictures for you blog, website, or article?

Each picture is $5 each, I have more pictures as needed.

Please send your payment to my Paypal: laughatcancer@gmail.com

Contact me through FACEBOOK http://facebook.com/laughatcancer

Email: laughatcancer@gmail.com


Saturday, November 24, 2018

Landscape Stock Photo Sale $5 Each


Do you need landscape stock pictures for you blog, website, or article?


Each picture is $5 each, I have more pictures as needed.


Please send your payment to my Paypal: laughatcancer@gmail.com


Contact me through FACEBOOK http://facebook.com/laughatcancer


Email: laughatcancer@gmail.com

Adorable Pet Stock Photos Sale for $5 Each




Do you need adorable stock pet pictures for you blog, website, or article?

Each picture is $5 each, I have dogs and cat pictures. I also have pictures of natural landscapes for $5 each as well.

Please send your payment to my Paypal: laughatcancer@gmail.com

Contact me through FACEBOOK http://facebook.com/laughatcancer

Email: laughatcancer@gmail.com



Part of My Nature Collection

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Thanks for the Memories, Stan Lee!


By, Crystal S. Kauffman, Staff Writer 

Stan Lee wrote the well known Marvel © comic book author entered my life at the impressionable age of eleven. I borrowed my twin brother’s stash of Stan Lee’s Masterpieces, which allowed me to fall in love with the craft of writing. I met the Hulk, Wolverine, Thor, my girl’s...Storm and Rogue. I began writing short-stories and poetry, but I couldn’t take the certificate or contest to the donut shop and get a coffee. 

However, I knew Stan Lee took his cast of characters and built a fortune from it. I knew there was a way that I could build something from my cast of characters in my head. Whenever, I got discouraged, I try to think about the many struggles Stan Lee faced throughout his whole life and I think about the character’s  we just lost.  

Honestly, I would of loved to learn from the man who was  truly was a legend to a little girl was a dreamer. Thank you for teaching me about  how to chase my dreams to earn my place in history. 

Thank you, Sir for the  memories! 

Rest in Peace…Fly high! 

© Crystal S. Kauffman, 2018 


Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Stolen Moments Become Magical Memories


Trembling inside your warm embrace,  
Hiding the raw emotions on my face. 
Holding me as I tried to hide the tears, 
Panic paralyzed my entire body in fear.  

Magical connection that I know is real,  
I am still afraid to allow my heart to feel. 
My ice-cold heart is beginning to melt, 
Strange emotions that I have never felt.  

I would give up tomorrow just to say, 
In your arms is where I want to stay.  
Every stolen moment with you,  
Allows me to feel something new. 

Copyrighted by, Crystal S. Kauffman, 2018 



Monday, November 12, 2018

Holiday Special on Custom Jewelry

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HOLIDAY SPECIAL

Check out the amazing custom jewelry that my friend makes and  she make special pet jewelry that she donates some of the proceeds to the shelters that help pets. You want incredible jewelry, then come take a look!!!

Click here.



Sunday, November 4, 2018

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

I Don't Own The Image or Copyright

By, Anatasia Chasm, Guest Blogger

This isn't something that is easy to explain or even to talk about. I suffer from borderline personality disorder. I say suffer from because I can't say “I live with” since it really doesn't feel like actually being alive. BPD is caused by early childhood trauma that occurs while the personality is forming into a whole.

Similar to dissociative identity disorder where there are alters or parts, my brain did something like that but not as advanced. My parts don't have their own names and likes and dislikes etc. It's just raw emotions.

They say there is the emotional part and the apparently normal part, which are then split down into even more primitive and raw subparts. The emotional part is stunted, stuck on the trauma but often not knowing exactly what trauma that is.

There is a constant fear of abandonment but also a constant pushing away of those close to you. Along with the tilt-a-whirl of emotions is a void, a lack of sense of self, an internal numbness even while you are a blur of chaotic emotion.

The apparently normal part is a mask, it does it's best to hide the inner chaos and quite often fails, which is when people run away and don't want you around. This is a lonely illness with a constant need for human contact but never feeling like you belong.

Often it takes years to get the proper diagnosis, so you are a medication guinea pig. I've been on over 200 meds in 6 years. In and out of the psych ward for attempted overdose 11 times because I dissociate, and when I dissociate the voice in my head that says I'm better off dead has a higher chance of taking over and winning.

I've been through 7 therapists, none of them even understood what a personality disorder was and tried to treat me like I was bipolar. I'm not bipolar, bipolar is a chemical disorder of the brain. This is a shattered personality, a broken self.

When I get really bad I start to research, to try and find the answer that eludes me always...how do I become normal? The doctors don't even know, my psychiatrist has given up since meds don't work.

My husband is frustrated and upset, partially because he can't help and partially because he doesn't understand that I can't just make myself happy and useful and functional. I feel like a horrible mom because I am so emotionally fractured I can't even have proper emotional reactions towards my kids.

Often I'm too numb to take care of anyone, especially myself. I forget to eat or shower or drink anything all day. I just am numb and I lay there with the music turned up, trying to feel the music.

On good days I can pass for normal..that's all it is though, passing. I will smile a bit, go for a walk with my family, hug my son's, cook a meal..but I still feel fractured and empty. I have no real identity, I am who people need me to be.

I start therapy again this week, this one specializes in BPD, maybe she will understand for once. Most likely though it will just be more judgements. My life has been one nonstop judgement since I was small.

I was the odd kid that wanted to sit and read my fantasy books not do sports like dad expected, so I got called fat and lazy. Then in school I got judged for wanting to learn, I was teachers pet and loser.

As I got older it turned into ugly, freak, weirdo. Then I turned to drugs and sex. I transformed into the life of the party and self medicated with liquor and drugs and nonstop sex. I needed to feel beautiful and wanted. In the end it made me feel used and worthless.

Then I met my husband, he actually did make me feel beautiful and wanted. He loves me, we made to adorable kids who also love me. I cheated on him over and over, self destructing and dissociative.

Never believed he really meant that he loved me and my messed up mind decided to go elsewhere to find acceptance and warmth. Which lead to self hatred and more suicide attempts.

Now, I can't hardly be intimate with the man who has stayed with me through nine years of me psychotically screwing him over because all I feel is guilt and self loathing. I'm not good enough to be loved or touched by him. My family begs me to be normal. Why can't I be normal? Why don't I just try harder?

They don't understand that I fight everyday just to stay alive and be near them. Some say this disorder isn't treatable. That my personality is just broken and can't be repaired. I refuse to believe that, if that's true then why keep fighting?

No. I can be helped, I can get better. I just need time, patience, understanding, love, compassion. I need friends that don't run and doctors that don't give up. I need to look in the mirror and see a warrior not a shell.

I help others on a daily basis, to feel better, to learn more, to understand themselves. So why can't I figure out this illness? I'm a borderline….on the edge between sanity and the abyss of the insane.

This is my life. Welcome to the madhouse.

Just